Hi blog I missed you!

Have to find the time to manage this and my flickr. More later....I hope.





Just testing stuff. And ugh! Some flickr links are broken apparently and I don't have time to fix them. Very classy. In the meantime, clicking on the big white "this photo is unavailable" box seems to work. No it's not the same as seeing my pictures attached to my posts. But I'm an idiot with no time. So whatta do???

Holcim Concrete Plant (rock cairn)

Holcim Concrete Plant, originally uploaded by chandlerful.

I had forgotten I had this picture on my Flickr. Yesterday there were 3 views from someone searching for Holcim, which was the concrete plant in Ste Gen MO that my ironworker husband helped build. He had some better pictures he took of the actual plant, but I don't have those. I wish I did, because there were some really good ones!
I don't know who built the cairn on the parking lot. It was there one day when I went to go pick him up. A mystery and I love mysteries!

June

when will i ever -
will i ever -
stop remembering?
it plays behind my eyes like a movie.
i look, unseeing -
seeing only the memories playing.
same scenes:
green wavering light like underwater
cracked wood floor and dancing dust in the slanting sun
i look, unseeing
seeing
behind my eyes like a movie.

Happy Mothers Day at Jefferson Barracks

Happy Mothers Day at Jefferson Barracks, originally uploaded by chandlerful.

Happy Mothers Day to my mom. Our first one without you. In the past, I would drive to your house, stopping on the way for a bouquet of flowers. This year, well this year.....

Tomorrow is 2 years

Happy almost second birthday to the Queen of the Universe. Well, the queen of our universe anyway. It seems like you have always been here, and it seems like just a second that you've been here, all at once.

The photo is from your 1st birthday. I know. Now that seems like a million years ago. My mom was still here, we were at home, daddy was gone. I don't know how we made it through all that. That's a subject for another day I guess. Today, happy almost birthday! You really are the sweetest baby.

We have had a pretty hard year, baby. But we are still here. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.

First Day of Spring

I was thinking when he cut down the lilacs that even if they grew back, I would never see them bloom again. That next spring, they grew back. The other lilacs on the street bloomed. Not my lilac. Then there was a late frost that killed the flowers. So it was OK that my lilac didn't bloom that year.

The next spring, this spring, now. I was gone. I wasn't there to see my crocuses bloom. I didn't see my daffodils. Are my lilacs there? Did they bloom this year? Is the breeze bringing the scent of lilac through the open kitchen window?

I was right when he cut down the lilacs. I didn't see them bloom again.





This picture is of my daffodils. I don't have a picture of my lilacs.

I miss my mom

I miss my mom.

Today, I organized the kids rooms and sorted through their old clothes that don't fit them. Of course, I ran across several things that were purchased by my mom. I don't want to get rid of them. I don't have room to save everything. I don't know what to do with them. There won't be any more things given to my kids by my mom, be it clothes, toys, or hugs and kisses. There are so many things here that she touched. There are so many ways that she isn't here.
They don't have her anymore. I don't have her anymore. I don't go a single day without thinking of my mom. I don't know what to do about it.

I miss my mom.